Sometimes going back helps you go forward…

I’m very lucky in the support I get in college from student support, the college health care assistant, my tutors and other peers they are all over and above what I could have hoped for in the way of support. I was feeling a bit rough today so I was sitting in the student support office when I decided to have a look through some of my old blog posts. It was a very good move, from reading all of the supportive comments I’ve received to the reminders of all of the amazing people I have had the opportunity to meet over the recent years. It was also really nice to look back on the funny moments from some of my hospital admissions- it’s nice to be reminded of the lighter times. It’s funny to look at what I was thinking about a few years ago, the milestones I was reaching when freshly out of hospital and everything that I was hoping to achieve. I’m really not there yet but taking a walk down memory lane was really nice. 

PTSD is tough

I’m opening up a lot in therapy at the moment about my past and the traumatic things that have happened to me. It’s been harder than I ever could have imagined and it feels like we are barely scratching the surface which is daunting to say the least. I come home from therapy and cry because its so hard to be telling someone about these things. But I am so lucky to have the family I have who are so supportive and help me each step of the way. My Mum always reminds me that living with PTSD untreated for the rest of my life is going to be hard and it will stop me from having a life, but if I do the therapy now even though for a while it may be harder and more painful one day I wont be living with the effects of PTSD anymore. Right now I’m holding onto that hope more than anything. I want to have a job where I can help other people, I want to have a partner and have children one day. I want to be okay and not feel like I have to hurt myself to get through difficult feelings. I want to be better and I want to recover. Yes, right now that all might feel very far away but I’m confident that everyday I’m getting closer to my goals.