So it’s been a little while since I last posted anything on here. I’ve had major writers block and have been lacking motivation- but I’m back now with a post about something that happened to me recently. I’m currently in the long process of gaining trust with my family to be left to have time alone. It’s a struggle for me to be given time on my own without using it to hurt myself. It is a constant battle between wanting to show my family (and self) that I can use time alone safely and wanting to hurt myself so very badly. The other day I was given a few hours home alone and I managed to get through it without doing anything. Most people will see this as a good thing, something to be proud of. But for me I feel horrendously guilty for “wasting an opportunity” to self harm. Later in the day I spoke to my mum about how guilty I was feeling and she said something to me that was really helpful. She told me that everyone who is trying to overcome an addiction says that in 10 years time they don’t want to be still damaging themselves in this way. It’s all very well and good to say that you want things to be different years down the line but one day you are going to have to make a change. Today day I made that little change. I managed to take a step so that in the future I won’t be hurting myself anymore. And for what it’s worth, I’m a little proud of that.
In 2016 I set myself several new years resolutions. I wanted to try and make them achievable. I can now proudly say on the 1st of January 2017 I have achieved the majority of last years resolutions. One them was the read 10 new books, I kept track of this via the ‘Goodreads’ website. Most people on there have the goal to read, 50 books and upwards. So my goal is pretty low in comparison. But I am still very proud of myself for reaching last years goal a I struggle with dyslexia and reading can be quite a challenge. When I tell people that I have dyslexia a lot of the time they don’t believe me because I don’t come across as the standard stereotype. I enjoy english, I like reading and writing. I like being able to stitch a few chosen words together to make a beautiful picture in someone else’s head. Dyslexia does put a bit of a barrier between myself and the people around me who have similar interests in writing. I think the main thing for me that I use to combat my dyslexia is utilising the technology around me. I am a bit nerdy and I’m into tech anyway but I find it so incredible that modern day technology can aid anyone into achieving great things. I utilise voice dictation on almost all of my big bits of writing. I change the colour of the backgrounds on all of my screens to remove the issue of ‘black and white reading’ that a lot of dyslexics have trouble with. The font size on all of my devices are increased so it is easier to ‘chunk off’ words when I am struggling to understand them. All of these things help me to be a writer and enjoy literature. I was taught a lot about these things by the wonderful learning support teachers that I met in school, who really did go above and beyond to help each student achieve there fullest capabilities. I am really grateful for them because they were the first people to show me that if you have a talent for something, you should run with it and not let anything stand in your way. Because they will always be there to lend a helping hand to get you moving past your difficulties. This year I am aiming to read 12 books and finish writing my own. I cant wait for the challenge, bring it on!
I just want to take a moment to wish everyone a merry christmas. Whoever and wherever you are, I hope you have a happy and safe festive period. Christmas can be a tricky time of year with or without a mental illness. So I just want to send out a little reminder to look after yourselves and take time out if you need it. Put the focus back on your family and loved ones and enjoy the day.
Have a good one, from Tee xx
Donald trump is going to be the 45th president of the USA. He did not win by much, but a miss is as good as a mile. Hillary got more votes but the system works on states and because of that Trump won. Although I am not American the influence of Obamas presidency has greatly impacted me (even all the way in my small Somerset village.) I think I am most scared of the fact that I have grown up with Obama and new young people will not have this privilege. He was sworn in when I was 10 years old, I am now nearly 19. In the past 8 years of my life I have grown up in a world with a US president who has been consistent. A president who has said that women can strive for more and that gay people deserve more than what they have been given before. I have grown up with a president who has shown that together we will always be stronger. In these past 8 years I have learnt I am part of a minority group. I am a member of the LGBTQ+ community. I also identify as non binary but am widely seen as and treated as a woman. I am so glad that I have spent the past 8 years under Obamas presidency, knowing there is a man who will always fight for minorities. I am terrified for Americas youth who are going to grow up under the government of a man who is openly- racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, a misogynist- the list goes on and on. People are going to discover there sexuality, gender identity or find their faith and doing this under Trumps government is going to lead them to have to come to terms with it in a world that does not widely support them. They aren’t going to be as fortunate as I have been to have a US president who I can look up to and someone who supports the rights of people like me. Its a very scary time for a lot of people. But we must sand strong together and not let this man drag us backwards.